Relapse

Last Tuesday I had a bit of a scare with my back. I had returned from my daily walk and was sitting in a chair icing my back with my brace. I stood up and immediately felt what I can only describe as a tinging sensation shoot through my lower back. My legs felt like they were going to crumble so I quickly laid down on the couch. I was too afraid to move so I stayed there until Josh got home, three hours later.

That night I had tears of defeat. I knew something bad had happened.

It has been four months since the initial disc herniations and although I can walk I have taken some steps backward. I can no longer sit for short periods of time, walk two miles, or put my socks on properly. I am back to constantly wearing my brace and awkwardly trying to wash my face, get in and out of bed, and more of the like.

Today we went and met with the Ortho Spine Specialist at Stanford. It was both encouraging and discouraging at the same time. It was encouraging because he seemed to believe I should be able to heal on my own, and wasn't a candidate for surgery. It was discouraging because he said we should try physical therapy for three more months before reassessing how I'm doing. Three more months of this...just feels like a lifetime right now.

All of this has not been easy on Josh. I imagine, as it would be for any husband, the inability to rectify the problem is frustrating, leaving you with a sense of helplessness. So far many things have been out of our control this year and life has not played out to our exact specifications. I was sharing this with my Auntie Barbara a few weeks ago and she reminded me that life never seems to go the way you always wanted, but there is a great lesson to learn in trusting in the Lord. That is certainly not a new concept but it has taken on a new meaning as we struggle to lean on Him.

At present there are many unknowns. But each time I am overwhelmed, the Lord brings something/someone to me reminding me to Trust in the Lord. He is gracious and good. Almighty and powerful. "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3